I started something new this week. Usually when I wake up in the morning, I slam my fist down on the alarm next to my bed and pass out for another 30 minutes. I decided to set a second alarm on the small table across the room. The only other things on that table are a candle, picture, and a small frame containing a piece of paper that reads:
"NEW MORNING- step 1: Ask God for Himself."
So now, I'm forced to get out from under the warm fuzzy covers, cross the frozen tundra, turn off the alarm that sounds like a dying robot cat, and kneel. There . . . that is where it starts. "God, give me yourself."
I really like words. I'm not much of an artist in the venue of photography, painting, sketching (unless you count stick figures), or DANCE (hopefully you've never witnessed that). However, words speak to my soul. I would sooner cover a canvas with words and phrases than splashes of color. It is for this reason that something as simple as "Ask God for Himself" seemed too simple. What if I quoted something from the Valley of Vision every morning? There are so many things I could say, so many things that would seem to be "worth more."
No, Jesus says . . ."Ask me for myself" (Gal 1:4, John 6:56)
I don't really have time to be sitting here sorting through my thoughts with Jesus, but I don't have time NOT to. This week I wrote out my entire schedule and put in one thing a day that was "eternal." Yesterday I wrote my mom a letter and told her I was praying for her and I gave her some of my prayer requests. Today, I decided to go on a lunch date with Jesus. As we were driving here, I was reflecting on what He has been doing in my life lately. I found myself thinking, "Do I have time to do this? Is this going to be a waste of time? Am I being sincere enough? Are you going to appreciate this? Am I doing everything right? Oh CRAP I forgot my headphones, now I'm not going to be able to 'get in the zone' with my 'Jesus music,' God, I just want to be with you . . is that enough?" That's when He said
"Lys, I love it when you come to me." (Mt 19:14, Mt 11:28, Jer 29:13)
My cries and prayers have become more and more simple. My thoughts have become more and more like those of a little girl. I find myself whispering:
"Heal me . . . I believe you can heal me"
"Help"
"I need you"
"This is hard"
"Please change my heart . . .please HEAL my heart"
"I am your child . . . and I know I can come to you for this. And it's OKAY for me to do that!?"
These are the things He loves to do. These are the things He is able to do. These are the things He WILL do. . . HE WILL HEAL MY HEART. After all, His kindness leads us to repentance. (Romans 2:4-6). He will break us down but he will bind us up. (Hosea 6:1-3). I finally feel like I'm starting to understand that concept. I have been asking so long for the Lord to humble me and draw me closer to him and give me more faith and the list goes on! But I didn't realize it would happen this way . . .I didn't know that he would have to strip me of so many things. I thought he would make me such a "put-together" person who prayed long, eloquent prayers. . . but I am now a broken person uttering the simplest prayers. . .
But they are real.
He is rebuilding me from the ground up. Instead of building a larger pile of pious rubbish, He's bringing me to the place where I actually believe that He is who He says He is. Just this past Sunday at Charis (My home church in Blono), we were singing during the worship service and I said "Heal me. I know you can heal me." And there was such a simple belief there. I was taken aback by my belief! How crazy/sad is that?! I can't remember the last time I prayed something so simple and believed:
A) That God truly heard me
B) That God would TRULY answer
C) That I could dwell secure
Friends. Brothers and sisters. I am ashamed to admit that! However on the same token I am rejoicing to tell you that God is doing a work in me. He started it a long time ago and He will continue until it's finished. (Philippians 1:6). God has never left a project undone. As it says in my Jesus Storybook Bible:
"Everything sad will come untrue."
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